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Losing A Parent That’s Still Alive

I’m going through one of the hardest times in my life and I really wish I had my dad. I’ve been no contact with my parents for almost 5 years now and I need y’all to know that grief is still the same even if the person is still living.

The Five Stages of Grief
The Five Stages of Grief
  1. Denial

  2. Arguing

  3. Bargaining

  4. Depression

  5. Acceptance

What they don’t tell you is that these stages can sometimes come out of order and that it’s not a one and done type of situation. These stages can reappear anytime after the loss or event. Seeking professional help to assist with these stages of grief and their inevitable reappearances is extremely important.

Various routes between the stages of grief.
Various routes between the stages of grief.

I’m often visited by grief in various ways. These visitations cause me to question my decisions and consider rekindling our relationship. Luckily or unluckily, my siblings are still in contact wit my parents and regularly share their experiences with me. Their experiences tell me that my parents have not changed and have no intentions of doing so. Their experiences remind me that the relationship I’m yearning for never existed, I just really want it to.

Trophies, scapegoat, golden child, narcissist and enabler aka my immediate family.
Trophies, scapegoat, golden child, narcissist and enabler aka my immediate family.

My dad was one of the funniest, honest and caring people I’ve ever known. I looked up to him and joined the Navy because of him. Before losing him we were really close. Last year he lost his mom, my grandma. I broke no contact to send him my condolences but continued as soon as the call was over.

This is messy work. It does get easier but sometimes it gets messy again. The important thing to remember is that your safety and the safety of your loved ones are more important than the nonexistent relationship you’re yearning for.

Thank you for reading through! I try to write here weekly but I write on my Ko-Fi page daily. For more stories like this and insightful conversations, join one of the membership tiers. Learn more about me and my work at the link below.

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