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The Gender Binary Hurts Us All

We don’t deserve this harm.

The gender binary
The gender binary


What struck me the most was the two very different Black women both seeing themselves as extremely “masculine”.


The gender binary, a social construct broken into two categories, male or female, man or woman, hurts us all. It is truly the belief that certain physical features and characteristics point towards a certain gender. Holding so tightly to this binary, causes stress in us all. Chronic stress, which is constant and persists over an extended period of time, can affect both our physical and psychological well-being by causing a variety of problems including anxiety, insomnia, muscle pain, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system.


we all have grief living under the gender binary. by Alok Menom (They/Them)
we all have grief living under the gender binary. by Alok Menom (They/Them)

With White Supremacy baked right in, the binary will never see us, some of us, as “feminine enough” or “masculine enough”. Alok Menom (They/Them) recently shared that the waves of hate for trans people are actually waves of grief from those unwilling to let go of the binary that has caused them so much harm. Even when it doesn’t make sense they cling hard to this abusive relationship because they were told, like all of us, that if they did, they’d finally be enough. Truth is, we already are.

Questions Answered episode on How to Build Trust w/ K Strohl (They/Them)


In my work, I speak and write often on how healthy realtionships prioritize trust, safety and respect. Our relationship with the gender binary prioritizes none. It prioritizes the perception of others, beliefs built from harm and the distrust that people know who the are. I know who I am and so do you. 💜


Thank you for reading through! I try to write here weekly but I write on my Ko-Fi page daily. For more stories like this and insightful conversations, join one of the membership tiers. Learn more about me and my work at the link below.


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