Forced To Let Go

A fellow veteran sent me this me this message on LinkedIn.

This message hit me really hard and made me think about how much I tried to cling to my veteran identity but was ultimately forced to let it go.

Some of y’all have been able to see my harmful journey with the veteran community but for those who haven’t seen let me break it down.

1. In 2019 when I was medically retired I joined LinkedIn and received so much help from other veterans there. They seemed almost too eager to share their experiences and tips needed to safely transition. Towards the end of 2019, I wrote a post that describe my experiences as a “woman veteran”.

On that post I had a lot of veterans from different backgrounds gaslit me.

It was extremely eye opening and made me take a huge step back from the veteran community.

2. In May of 2020, I began posting a lot on Facebook and LinkedIn about the murder of George Floyd and the Black Lives Matter movement. I also began sharing some of my experiences while in uniform including the discrimination I faced throughout my service. I had several veterans including veterans I served with show their whole asses.

My favorite comment from that era. Cute right?

3. The last kick in the chest I received from the community happened when I attended a networking event held by VETS2INDUSTRY. The event was supposed to focus on diversity in the veteran space but throughout multiple speakers used phrases like “don’t be too sensitive” and “don’t play the victim”. Someone even asked the key speaker how to be the “token” in an organization and the speaker recommended not being “overly sensitive” and spoke of a time she was able to be ‘one of the guys’.

After posting these experiences to LinkedIn, several people from that organization reached out to me to gaslight and silence me. I even had people in that organization tell me I was being called “volatile and unstable” in their meetings for voicing these harmful experiences.

This was the last straw for me.

Since last year I’ve let a lot of veteran friends go and I’ve stopped associating as much as possible with other veterans. I’ve even stayed clear from social tags that’ll attract other veterans to my content. I just cannot take the harm!

Accurate representation in the media of the veteran community is almost nonexistent and leads a lot of people to believe if you aren’t a cisgender White male then you’re probably not a veteran.

This is just not true.

Some quick facts to take with you:

• Since World War II the percentage of non-white veterans has increased significantly, reflecting a rise in diversity across the US Military.

• Veterans Day is an occasion to acknowledge with respect and appreciation those who have served in the United States Armed Forces. But for generations, African Americans returning home from service were more likely to face discrimination, disrespect, violence, and even death.

• There are an estimated 1 million lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender veterans in the United States.

• In 2014, minorities comprised 22.6 percent of the total Veteran population in the United States. By 2040, they are projected to make up 35.7 percent of all living Veterans.

I hope that veterans that share my identities will one day be included and not forced to let go.

Thank you for reading through! Hi, I’m K Mataōtama Strohl (They/Them). I’d love to be able to continue to share stories like this but I need your help to be able to do so. Please visit my Ko-Fi page to tip what you can and gain access to my other work. You can learn more about me and my work at the link below.

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